3 KEYS TO RESILIENCE

We all, at some stage in our lives, have to deal with challenging times, whether that be the difficulties that you may face individually, or that we face as a collective; or other periods in your life when you experience change, loss or hardship. 

The good news is that you can affect how you respond to those times, and you have the ability to increase mental fitness, or what we could call resilience.

The more resilient you are, the more you’re able to find a sense of calm, even when what might be going on around you can feel very turbulent; you have less extreme ups and downs, and can recover more quickly from setbacks.

When you’re resilient it also increases your ability to be hopeful of a positive future, however, it does take active participation to rise up from the challenges. You can be proactive and develop behaviours to help you navigate tough times, and anything you may face in your lifetime. The other great fact is that resilience isn’t a fixed trait that some people have and others don’t, you can cultivate it and develop that steadiness consciously within you.

There are 3 keys to resilience. 

LIFE HAPPENS

Resilient people understand that challenges happen as a part of life, and that tough times come to all of us as a part of every human existence. 

We often feel like when we are going through difficult times, that we are the only ones, whereas when we can understand it is all a part of the human experience, it makes it easier to grasp .

Often our reaction to difficult life experiences can be; “This shouldn’t be happening.” or, “This shouldn’t be going wrong!”, rather than seeing it as a part of life. We have a tendency to forget when we are in that moment, and instead can feel separate and isolated .

Could you even take a perspective of ,“Why not me?”. To know and accept that at times in your life, you will be faced with struggle as a part of being human. Can you be kind to yourself, and understand that it is just something you’re going through right now, that like everything in life it will change and move through.  “This too shall pass.”

IS IT HELPING OR HINDERING?

When we are going through struggle there can be a tendency to feel like it is all happening to you, and that there is not a lot of choice. However, know that you always have the option to approach each current moment in your life with active participation by asking yourself the question - Is what I am doing helping or hindering me? 

Is sitting here scrolling the socials, when I could be getting out for a walk helping me? Or do I really need that extra glass of wine tonight? Is pouring over old photos of my ex helping or hindering me?

When we are going through hard times it’s really easy to slip into bad habits to self soothe, and it’s very common to loose sight of the fact that you do have the possibility to choose.

By asking this question “Is it helping or hindering me?”, puts you back in the drivers seat, and it gives you some control over your decision making. You can keep on applying this question to any behaviour, thought or pattern that may come up from day to day.

CHOOSE WHERE YOU PUT YOUR ATTENTION

“Where your attention goes, energy flows”, so choose carefully where you put your attention.

Focusing on the things you can change, and accepting what you can’t is key. We are good at noticing the negative, and in fact we are actually wired to do so, yet you do have a choice on what you continue to put your awareness on.

Resilient people don’t discount or dismiss what is happening, but also work out ways to notice the good and what they do still have in their lives, even when they face challenges. This is where gratitude comes in. Being able to shift your attention to notice the good, has been proven scientifically to be very powerful to enhance overall wellbeing and resilience. 

There was a study done by Martin Seligman, who is one of the masters of Positive Psychology. All the participants had to do was think of 3 good things that have happened to them each day. Over 6 months of the study showed higher levels of happiness, and less depression.

It’s not always easy to think this way, and it doesn’t remove the loss or some of the pain you might feel going through what you are experiencing, but it allows you to live in a more positive way when you are going through challenging times.